Here I Go Again.
Oh you know. I've been here before. Where I begin the process of a blog and then 'wham!'. I stop. It's always for a good reason too. A family crisis, a vacation, and even a 'hey I'm a little overwhelmed and need a good break' reason. All the reasons in the world and yet here I'm journaling / bloggin' it up again. I've lost the past 15 years of blog entires due to not fully understanding how to move them from one site to another - so I guess like with every new stage, this one starts NEW.
So here's my approach once again, to share, to teach and simply to creatively aim to inspire. To Give, to love and to nourish ... that's what I know and that's what I hope you will feel as you scroll though my words.
A crash into the back of my car at a red light and sirens later ... I became still. A distracted driver thought the light had turned green and gunned it as I remained at a stop position in my husbands little electric car. I must have had a death grip on the steering wheel because it was my fingers that I immediately noticed had no feeling in them. And then as I tried to make sense of it all, came the feeling that I wasn't able to move my neck. So somehow, I mustered the strength and ability to drive out of the intersection onto the side of the road where I would remain until the fire department would arrive and take me to the ER.
What ever popped in my neck wasn't a break, but sure knocked me down. And down would be where I'd remain for the next many days. Sore, not able to move my head side to side, humbled and rather annoyed - I found the 'quiet' a place that I hadn't been to in quite some time. An hour before the crash, I was finishing up teaching my second Spin class of the day and glancing over the week ahead of my overlapping actives on my very color coordinated google calendar. Projects, classes, a new position, summer camps ... do I love it? Do I love being busy? YES! In fact, I think for so long I have thrived on being busy.
But it's Summer. One of my favorite seasons. The magic of feeling free to stay up late. the freedom to enjoy home-made popsicles that your kids helped make. and the ever so beachy feel of allowing your hair to dry in the hot summer sun. Yet. somehow now mid way through this glorious season - I haven't done any of that. Somehow, in the hurry and the constant state of go. I missed the big sign that said "Relax, Summer is Here!". Oh, I've done nothing wrong, and I know that this is part of it all but somehow I allowed my self proclaimed busy self to get here - OVERWHELMED.
I've read three books, have listend to one audio book, journaled and have gone through the Psalms. Each one interweaving this bigger picture of rest and restoration. In "Chasing Real" by author Bekah Pouge, (A MUST READ) I've changed my whole thought on what I knew Rest and Stillness to be. With so many definitions of what Rest means, it was 'peace of mind and spirit' that helped explain why I have been choosing to focus on the physical meaning of rest, a meaning she said that it's practical in the day to day.
And just like that, I began to fully engage with where I am at.
I had developed a need for the adrenaline of being busy.
No, it's not bad and I am not in any form or any way condemning myself for it. I'm just now telling my 36 year old self that "Rest is not selfish ... it's essential". The last thing I want is to be in pain while finding this new discovery of Rest. However, if that's what it took to finally give myself permission to truly feel it from the inside out - than I guess that's the whole point.
Those Mighty Angels not only softened that crash - but their God brought me to my knees with thankfulness and a rather big wake up call. 'I see you Candace. now it's time to Rest'. Do I believe that God made that crash happen? No, but I do believe that He's used it to allow me to hear, see and just find rest. He's given me a new breath, a new song and time to heal.